Of clothes shopping and terrorists Part 1

Bangalore, November, 2007
Atulya Bharadwaj was engaging in the most despicable act known to mankind.
Buying clothes
(Please note: by “man”kind, the author here refers to “Man” kind only, not the proverbial “mankind”, Feminists, please excuse. Go read “Y the last man” or something)

So the hero of this story, Atulya Bharadwaj was conned into the most despicable act for a man- buying clothes, which were to be worn to a cousin’s wedding. Now there are several reasons (most of them owing to genetic deficiencies) why Atulya considers buying clothes so despicable.

a) Being colour blind, the greens, the reds and the browns were like Chinkies to him. ie: They all looked the same. And somehow every designer since antiquity seemed to believe that these are the colours all men’s clothes should come in.
b) His somewhat short and lean stature meant that nothing ever fit.

So back to the clothes shopping. Point a) above was being sorted out by his helpful and ever patient mother, offering helful fashion advice such as “No that is greenish brown, this is brownish green, and the other one is more burgundy” (As if it made any difference to him). But that still left genetic deficiency b). There is nothing in the world that could sort that out. And just like F.Alonso and the McLaren team management, they just didn’t fit.

To exacerbate Atul’s growing impatience, a demented but well-natured shop assistant offered some blindingly useful advice to his mother. “Buy this maydum (Madam said in a way only Kannadigas can), when your son grows little taller, it will fit him”.

Now THAT is where Atul drew the line. Looking younger than your age is one thing, but a virile, young 24 year old lad being confused for a pre-pubescent kid is another. Atulya instantly exploded in a barrage of invectives against the life, the universe and everything in general. To further add ignominy to the situation, our protagonist forgot that he was back in his hometown and spoke in Hindi to the assistant.

In the midst of this mildly comical scene, our hero’s mind harks back to a scene which occurred nearly a year ago, when (as being mistaken as someone younger/more harmless goes) the opposite happened.

Flashback continues in part 2