Common man and the porn stars

Common man was having the time of his life. Well, there was the little incident in the morning when the huge German hunk tried to mug him of his money, followed by the scuffle, fistfight, brawl and chase sequence through the back alleys of München's red light district, and then also the other incident where the burly security guards mistakenly thought he was an arsonist and attempted to bayonet him, but apart from that, he was having a wonderful day.

As far as reasons for the above go, he was getting in touch with his hedonistic side in a bierzelt on the last day of Oktoberfest. He was muttering quiet praises to King Ludwig I and Queen Therese in particular, and fat Germans in general, for initiating this famous celebration of bacchanalian revelry. Of course, the Weißbier laden kegs being dished out by the Löwenbräu-Festhalle tent he was in was hardly potent enough to cause any level of inebriation. He was currently on a greater high from roast chicken than the beer itself. Anyways, it was impossible not to be taken in by the festive atmosphere in the midst of all the dirndl and lederhosen clad revelers. Never mind that he had to trip and trek his way to his table through all the Bierleichen (literally 'beer corpses') dotting his path back outside.

One of his fellow travelers in a bout of what would be described as 'chool' in Kannada, or as 'geela' in IIMB, decided to shoot voyeur snaps of some German bombshells, who were somewhere midway between a polka and a stupor (both drunken induced of course). While Common man mused about exactly how much of that watered down Weißbier would it take to knock someone out this badly, his co-traveler went on a clicking frenzy at a rate that was the photographic equivalent of Shahid Afridi's batting.

Of course, all stories have to have a twist. The twist in this one was that his antics were soon discovered by the German bombshells in question and (even more worryingly) by their German chaperons as well. Common man geared up to do what would have been wisest under the circumstances; ie: run, but before he could, 12 German men and women surrounded them, waving those giant kegs in their direction. To his utter surprise, they were not in the least offended or angry about the Peeping Tom. In fact, they seemed positively thrilled. "You photo me, I photo you" was what one of them managed to mumble through his inebriated stutter. Before he and his friends realized it, the report of 12 camera flashes rang clear through the cool October air, this time with the German bombshells draped all over them, "A sure improvement over standard L square-Romanov and bad Punjabi music fare" observed Common Man with glee. "Why are they being so nice to us. Shouldn't they be pissed off?" asked one of his friends, in a mixture of 3 Indian languages, so that the Germans didn't understand. Pat came the reply from Common Man "Just enjoy yourself while it lasts" in 3 more languages.

Just as Common Man and his friends were about to take leave of their new found German buddies, one of the girls, who was giggling continuously through the last 7 minutes, stepped forward and gave him a visiting card. The quick dialogue exchange followed.
Common Man: Danke schon
German girl: Giggle, giggle
Common Man: Auf wiedersehen
German girl: Giggle, giggle
Common man sees the contents of the visiting card and pupils dilate in horror.
German girl: Giggle, giggle

For in the card, all it said was "www.content suppressed.de The best party site in town". Now come on, every guy past puberty knows what a 'party site' is. With pictures of him clicked by 12 pissed off and drunken digital cameras who were proprietors of some smut site does not cause a lot of quietude. Common Man felt like a killer standing with a gun in his hand over a corpse that he did not shoot, if you know what I mean.

The mood was sombre in the Eurocity ride back to Paris. Words like 'morph', 'voyeur', 'porn site' wafted through their minds like the smell of a freshly fried mackerel in a Goa beach shack. Once back home in Bretagne, neither Common Man nor his friends had the courage to go see this site that the card announced. It was a week later (a week in which he cursed München, Bayern München and all München related topics in general) , while chatting with a female friend and he mentioned the incident. After she "Lol'ed and smileyed for some 10 minutes, all she had to say was, "face it. Why would anyone want to see your pictures on the net, even if morphed". This unremarkable stating of the obvious was the epiphany that he needed. After expeditiously extracting the card from it's hiding place and entering the rogue URL, he was indeed directed to this 'party site'.

"Welcome to the best party site. We home deliver confetti, balloons, birthday cakes and all party related paraphernalia in the München urban district" proclaimed the site in 6 different languages. THAT was all. No porn, no smut, not even a picture of the ones he had supposed were the "stars" of the site. Gah, Common man was actually trifle disappointed. But he heaved the proverbial sigh of relief. If it hadn't been early morning, he could have ended the story by riding off into the sunset.*

Epilogue: Common man has now learned to run as fast as his feet can take him every time his co-travelers start photographing subjects indiscreetly. Who knows, maybe the next time, they really would actually be running a party (smirk) site.

* Credits are in order for Dorky Guffaw who was the first to do that trick.